Okay genkibrady blog readers, here is an email describing what has been placed in my mind about 18 hours ago. I think that those of you who are cheering for me to return to full fellowship are in for a treat. Even those of you who are where I have been/am/will be as far as the why's of the church, I hope that you can appreciate the conclusions which are congealing in my head. Although the Spirit has told certain things to me, I do not expect any of you to come to the same realizations that I have. I am me; you are you. Do what is best for you and allow me to do the same. God bless you all, and here is the email:
Robert:
I was invited to church with a friend on Sunday up at the U Institute, so I went. I figured that while I was in the area, I'd stop by my sister's place just to, you know, chill with the fam and my niece to be (due in 2 mos--how are Lisa and Grace?!). Well, they had their home teachers over, which was nice. The message was out of this month's Ensign, obviously, the one by President Monson called "To Truly See."
Now I think you know that I do not excuse myself for my behavior, but the other day when we were online, I was pretty forlorn and upset when I wondered to you "Did you ever imagine that I would be here on the outside looking in? What happened to my life?"
Now we've spoken before of childhood circumstances and so forth, yours versus mine versus Clayton's, and the like. I have often postulated as to why I have the family I do, as well as gazing on the seemingly better circumstances of others. I can't say that I have NEVER been envious, but I can say that it is not an attitude which I have adopted. I don't want other peoples' families, but what I DO want is an explanation. I know that this is in opposition to the principle of faith, but with my hypersensitive emotions and my temperament, an explanation would certainly go a long way for me.
Last night I got that explanation. Quoted by President Monson in his message:
"Long ago and at a place far distant, as Jesus passed by He saw a man who was blind from birth. His disciples questioned the Master as to why this person was blind. Had he sinned or had his parents sinned, causing him to have this affliction?
"'Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. . . .
"'As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.
"'When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay,
"'And said unto him, Go, wash in the pool of Siloam. . . . He went his way therefore, and washed, and came seeing.'"
Okay, it's one of those "I've read that one a zillion times" deals, right? Okay, not being able to perfectly arrogate this example to my own life, I can still extract the doctrine placed in my mind by the spirit, and lay it out before you.
God didn't make my parents get married when perhaps they should not have, and he certainly didn't make them fight or divorce. It's neither my parents' fault nor mine that my emotions are such as they are, or that my endocrine system is shorting me on certain chemicals. My life is the way that it is simply because. That's just it-- and here comes the explanation: " but that the works of God should be made manifest in him ..."
This goes along with one of my favorite, and thus oft-quoted passages, found in Mosiah 24. This is where Alma and his folks have escaped into the wilderness and have settled in the valley of Helam. These are a righteous people truly striving to recant their wicked pasts by faith in the Christ, and could be examples to us all. Amulon, Alma's former partner-in-crime, happens upon their sovereign colony, with some Lamanites and they begin to place the heavy burdens on their backs, yadda yadda, you know, the standard oppression story from the scriptures.
So why do bad things happen to good people? Had they sinned or had their parents sinned, causing them to have this affliction?
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And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
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And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions .
I have been given such a tremendous opportunity to allow the works of God to be made manifest in me . Okay, I can mope around and bitch about my crappy circumstances, or I can excercise a little bit of faith, use the Atonement, and have the power of Christ change my very nature. I'm tired of all this. Right now I am riding the crest of a wave. Next week I may be back in the trough. Who knows? But what is on my mind right now is: how do I approach the Lord? What kind of entreaties can I offer that would be worthy of his mercy? How do I get him to administer that proverbial spittle-clay into my eyes, and where is my pool of Siloam?
I have been issued a letter from the bishopric that disfellowshipped me, and outlined in it are the steps I need to take. That is the administration. I don't need to plead to Christ at all to be granted mercy, as he is already the catalyst of that most sublime virtue. I need to make the journey to the pool and wash myself in it.
I can already stand as his witness , and will be empowered to stand taller and with increased resolve in being that man described in my patriarchal blessing. I will again become the "Genki Brady" from the mission, but with wisdom and first-hand experience.
I pray now for consistency in my efforts, and would ask that if I cross your mind during your prayers that a similar plea be offered from you on my behalf. I am yet too weak to get my ass to church on my own. I need invitations from friends (sheesh, as if Christ isn't my friend, and as if his invitation isn't valid!). I need a support system. The gospel is again appearing resplendent and inviting to me.
Rob (and others, whom I am cc'ing), I love you all and have been blessed by your friendship. I have divine friends in all of you, in that I can be honest with my shortcomings and not be looked down upon.
God will continue to bless you all,
Mike
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